Souls - XXXIX

I don’t know where I’m driving, I’m just driving away. Away from a bloody Jesus and away from what he told me:

“I mean you specifically.”

“You are not what you think you are.”

I reach up to my scalp and feel that smooth portion of skin that used to be a jagged wound of brain matter. 

What in the hell am I?

Emily begins to sing a tune under her breath as she continues to draw. I know it well, I hum along:

“What a fellowship, what a joy divine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning,

Safe and secure from all alarms;

Leaning, leaning,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning,

Safe and secure from all alarms;

Leaning, leaning,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning,

Safe and secure from all alarms;

Leaning, leaning,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.”

Mary sits on the seat behind me and leans her head back. I want to ask her so many questions, but I can’t bring myself to speak to her at all. I have the sinking feeling I’ve ruined her life twice already, once in a hospital room and once in a trailer.

Emily stands, making her way to me.

“Sit down hun, okay? It’s not safe.”

She smiles but she continues towards me.

“I wanna go back to Jesus.”

“Hun, we can’t. I know it’s all a lot to take in, but—“

“—My Papa said Jesus is the answer.”

She’s almost reached me, I can smell the crayon still on her fingers.

“I know he did, but that wasn’t the Jesus your Papa was talking about. Sit down and relax, we’ll stop and get something to eat soon okay?”

She puts her hand on my pocket and the soul, and leans in to me. She whispers:

“You hear that? Jesus is calling.”

Mary raises her head enough to observe what is happening.

“Hun…”

Before I can finish Emily puts her crayon-laden fingers around the steering wheel and pulls hard. The bus groans as it screams to the right, trying desperately to comply with the new coordinates. I feel the wheels raise up off of the ground, the driver side of the bus threatening to become intimate with the asphalt below.

Mary tries to jump up, but the inertia and gravity pulls her to the side of the bus. 

We’re tipping.

The windows on the left side of the bus go black as the metal hits the asphalt, screaming as it slides across it. I feel my shoulder hit the window and then the asphalt, glass shards flying about me and into my arm. I try to turn to Mary but I can’t. I can’t even hear her. 

Don’t let me lose her again.

Finally, everything is silent. I push myself up with my right arm, nursing the glass-filled shoulder on my left. I look back to Mary, she is staring back at my with saucer-shaped eyes. I assume she’s in shock. 

Wait a minute the gun, she doesn’t have it anymore. I follow her eyes, they lead to the bus door, now pointing upwards to the purple skyless sky. It is open, Emily is outside, standing on top of the bus.

Looking down at me over the barrel of a gun.

Emily doesn’t look angry, she doesn’t really look anything to be honest. There is no anger, there is no happiness, there is nothing by blank eyes. Her face is suddenly covered by a shadow, footsteps join her on top of the bus.

“Suffer little children, and forbid them not to come unto me: for such is the kingdom of heaven. Or some such shit.”

Jesus found us, he leans down to Emily and brushes her hair behind her hair.

“Good girl, now give me that gun.”

She smiles and complies. He throws the gun over his shoulder and smiles down to me.

“Well that was a fuckin’ adventure.”